I’ve been in London for two and half months now so I should probably write something London related. Here is a list coz I’m feeling lazy.

• Don’t stand on the left hand side of the escalator in the tube station. You will be punched in the head.

• The tube is hot and gross.

• A fried a chicken shop is never more than a block away.

• Everyone is poor.

• “Marketing Executive” in Australia, translates as “Receptionist” in London.

• The English are horrible at recycling and also have a habit or walking off on running taps and having long showers and baths every day that makes Australian people uncomfortable.

• Mashy peas are actually delicious [pic via @megzyjane].

nom nom

• Gumboots are called Wellingtons or “Wellies” and not restricted to mucking out pig troughs and festival wear. They are considered suitable footwear for city living, to the point that they are fashionable and come in many different styles and colours.

• Ugg boots are also considered fashionable and are worn outside the house.

• Cheryl Cole, a former pop idol star and ex WAG who was once accused of assaulting a bathroom attendant and calling her a “black bitch”, is loved by everyone. She was voted “most inspirational woman of the decade” and if she died there would be a day or mourning.

Chezza and ex-hubby Ashley in happier times

• Food isn’t as bad as everyone says it is, but the coffee is.

• Beer costs 99p at the off licence (OH YES!!)

• Music festivals are very badly run.

• Stabbing is a popular form of stress relief.

• There is mayonnaise in everything.

• Rooms for lease ads are generally put up by
a) A strange Indian who doesn’t live there
b) an old man Gumtree offering free rent in return for “companionship”

Your new flatmate

c) relatively normal people offering a room with a single bed in a house with 6 other people for approximately 5 times the amount of rent you would pay at home. Oh and you’ll turn up to compete with 20 other people and they will never call you back

• In Australia Stella Artois is fancy, in England it’s for chavs and you should not be seen drinking it.

• This is quite popular (NSFW)

Have a good weekend geezers. I’m off to drink my own body weight in (non Stella Artois) booze.

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