Ryan Gosling #Goslingwatch

I have found myself in the position of “Ryan Gosling expert”, following the hysteria of #Goslingwatch. If you are unfamiliar, that was a successful hashtag that I created in regard to rumours that Ryan Gosling was in Australia that were never actually proven. Contrary to some extremely defamatory accusations – I didn’t make it up – let’s just say I tapped into the zeitgeist and wow chicks be cray about Ryan Gosling. Anyways Clementine Ford wrote a great piece about “the Thinking Woman’s Crumpet” (best phrase ever btw) and came to me for some commentary on this highly intellectual subject.

Here is a link to the article. 

This is what some of the words looked like in the magazine.

Sunday Life


My poor mother – she wanted me to be a scientist but my main claims to fame so far have been making a hashtag about Ryan Gosling and meeting Justin Bieber.

Oh well – here are some more extended thoughts on Ryan Gosling I wrote for the article.

  1. How do people interact with the concept of Gosling Watch?

The response to Gosling Watch was quite ridiculous. In some ways, it was surprising, but in other ways I already knew there were many women who had an almost hysterical infatuation with him as I did so when I started the hashtag there was an inkling it would “explode”. It seems like a lot of news reporters suffer from Gosling infatuation as well – suddenly my silly old hashtag had spread throughout the mainstream media (Cleo, The Age, commercial radio) with headlines like ‘Ryan Gosling Tracked Like Bigfoot in Melbourne’ and quotes of me from my twitter page were being published as reliable sources. This was also at the same time as there were earthquakes in Melbourne and there is a widely respected theory that he caused them.

The #Goslingwatch hashtag has been appropriated in the US as well – I saw The Huffinton Post use it, plus it’s on instagram.

The funny thing is, there is still no real concrete evidence of him ever actually being in Melbourne.

  1. Why do you think Gosling has such a huge appeal, particularly to young women as their Thinking Woman’s Crumpet?

Ryan Gosling is the epitome of the “strong silent type”. Us “thinking women” may epouse the notion that we are all looking for intellectuals who we go to galleries with and converse on film, literature and music, aren’t afraid to cry and have never played footaball in their lives. But after a viewing of the Notebook I just want a guy who could carry me easily and could fix things around the place.

At this stage I have romanticised The Notebook enough that if a guy took me on a rowboat in the pouring rain and then kissed me on a pier – almost devouring my whole face – I would straight up ask him to marry me.

It doesn’t help the obsession that Gosling and Rachel McAdams (his love interest in The Notebook) actually dated in real life after the movie. THEIR LOVE WAS REAL! Ryan descibes her as “one of the great loves of my life” *swoon*.

Also if someone killed a guy in front of me in an elevator by stamping in head repeatedly till all his brains squished out whilst wearing a white satin jacket I would find it heaps romantic. There is just something about him.

With the invention of the ‘Hey Girl’ meme, which features a picture of Ryan Gosling and a romantic, “sensitive guy” quote (“Hey Girl, Paris just isn’t the same without you”), followed by the Feminist Ryan Gosling blog (“Hey girl, I mean WOMAN”) intelligent women realised it was now “PC” and “socially acceptable” to be in love with a “typically hunky” guy such as the Gos.

  1. Do you think the focus on Gosling is problematic objectification (I don’t, btw), or is it more of a celebration?

No I don’t think the focus on him is problematic objectification. It’s not like some men’s obsession with attractive female actresses, for example Megan Fox, which amounts to “man I would love to fuck the shit out of her”. I think the attraction to Gosling is that he seems like he could look after us, buy us a totally thoughtful present on Valentine’s day, remember our anniversary and also fix our car if it broke. Yes I guess many of us Gosling fans feel like we really know him, which is definitely not creepy at all.

  1. How do men react to Gosling Watch?

Men seem to react to Ryan Gosling in two ways –

a) Jealousy: “he’s a douchebag” or “gay”, “I don’t get why chicks like him”, or as one facebook page says: “HE THINKS HES THE BEST DANCER AND LOVES FAT GIRLS…YOU ARE ALL BRAINWASHED. HIS EYES ARE TOO CLOSE TOGETHER.

b) Homosexual tendencies: “I’m not gay but I ‘would’ with Ryan Gosling”

  1. What would you do if you ever met Gosling?

You don’t want to know how many times I have thought about this, but if I met Ryan Gosling I would probably initially vomit, then get a photo with him, then ask him if he knows about the #Goslingwatch hashtag, then tell him about all the bad things I read about Eva Mendes on the internet and how he shouldn’t be dating her coz she’s not good enough for him. She has been to rehab, says she doesn’t want to have children (my ovaries are ready and waiting Ryan!), describes marriage as “archaic” (he is clearly the marrying type) and is into “transcendental meditation” (weird hippy). I rest my case.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

9 + seven =